Schlitz "Gusto"

Name: Schlitz "Gusto"
Style: American Adjunct Lager
Owner: Pabst
Slogan: "The beer that made Milwaukee Famous"

BeerAdvocate Rating: 81 (Good)
RateBeer Rating: 1, 18
ABV: 4.7%

Founded by August Krug in 1849, the company that would become Schlitz brewing company sprang up in Milwaukee.  By 1902 Schlitz had seized the title of largest beer producer in the U.S. from Pabst and it remained that way for more than 50 years.  By the late 1960s, sales of Schlitz were declining due to pressure from Anheuser-Busch and their flagship brand "Budweiser."  In an effort to remain competitive, Schlitz re-formulated their beer in the early 1970s using cheaper ingredients and processes which ultimately ruined the brand, turning it from a premium brand to second-rate bottom-shelf swill.  The decline continued and the company was eventually sold to Stroh's, and later it was in turn sold to Pabst.

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Schlitz...  Fucking classy.

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During all of this, the original recipe from the 60s was lost and was not transferred with the sales.  Those who used to love the old Schlitz were just plain out of luck.  In the new century, Pabst took a gamble on Schlitz and decided to try to revive the Schlitz of old.  Through research of documents and interviews with former Schlitz brewmasters and taste-testers, they were able to reconstruct the 1960s classic formula; the result has been a hit.  Many people, including a number of beer snobs have praised the result and have said that it is what the American Adjunct Lager should be.

Serving:
Aggressively poured from a 16oz "Tall-Boy" can into a Wine Enthusiast Steady-Temp Double Wall Beer Glass. The glass breathed a sigh of relief.

Appearance:
Pours a clear golden color with a one-finger white head that dissipates quickly to a thin film, leaving copious lacing.

Smell:
The nose is of pale, biscuity malts with a notable presence of grass and pine.

Taste:
The taste follows the nose.  A decent presence of malt with the undertone of the corn adjuncts coming through, although it's not overpowering.  The sweetness of the malt is nicely balanced with hops; I think I can taste some cascade in there.  The hop presence doesn't come across like microbrews do; they're probably using pelletized versions.

Mouthfeel:
Surprisingly full-bodied for an Adjunct lager with medium carbonation.

Overall:
For the style, this beer is really quite good.  It's no substitute for an all-malt premium lager but it is far ahead of any of the BMC offerings and the price is fantastic.  I recommend this ahead of any other Adjunct Lager I've tried.

Bud Light

Name: Bud Light
Style: American Adjunct Lager
Owner: AB-InBev
Slogan: "Up For Whatever."

BeerAdvocate Rating: 47 (Awful)
RateBeer Rating: N/A, 1
ABV: 4.2%

Debuting in 1982 as "Budweiser Light" to a great amount of fanfare, Bud Light has grown to be the most popular beer in the U.S.  Its name was shortened a year later to just "Bud Light," probably because their target demographic had problems stringing more than two syllables together in one word.  Its light taste, low alcohol content, and reduced-calorie formula has been a hit with Americans, particularly those who have no tastebuds.

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Damn, doesn't that commercial make you want to rush out and buy a case?  I remember this commercial from when I was a kid, I always assumed that Bud Light was some kind of magical beverage that tasted like pure liberty.

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Most beers have some phrasing on the can about how awesome the beer is inside the can, but that is conspicuously absent on the Bud Light vessel.  The only thing the can says other than the obligatory stuff is "Thirst for Summer."  I suppose this could be because the beer inside is so awesome that it frankly speaks for itself, but I think it's more likely that there's really nothing they could put on the can that would say much of anything about it.  One out of every four beers served in the USA is a Bud Light.  Think about that for a second.  I'll wait.

Bud Light is brewed with a lot of rice as the adjunct.  Rice adjuncts serve to impart sugars to the wort without adding flavor.  The result is the clean, crisp "drinkability" that people are looking for in a brew of this sort.  Unfortunately, with Bud Light it's gone over the top - with this beer they've completely removed any semblance of flavor.  Hell, even Pellegrino water has more flavor than this dreck.

Serving:
Aggressively poured from a 25oz can into a Wine Enthusiast Steady-Temp Double Wall Beer Glass. The glass was confused.

Appearance:
Pours a clear, pale tinge of a yellowish color with a three-finger snow-white head that disappeared before I reached my chair to write this.  It leaves no hint lacing.

Smell:
Smells like nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  If I were blindfolded and you held this under my nose I wouldn't be able to identify it as beer.

Taste:
I'm finding it difficult to come up with adjectives here.  Mostly I get wet air and fizz.  No malt, no hops, no nothin'.

Mouthfeel:
Light and whispy with very heavy carbonation.  Not the slightest bit of body.

Overall:
It's beer for people who don't like beer, and it's only really beer in the academic sense.

Okay, if I were out mowing the lawn or something and I were extremely thirsty this would hit the spot.  If you're looking to chug something and you don't care what it tastes like, grab one of these.  If you prefer that beer have some bit of flavor to it, you might want to skip Bud Light.

Budweiser

Name: Budweiser
Style: American Adjunct Lager
Owner: AB-InBev
Slogan: "King of Beers."

BeerAdvocate Rating: 56 (Awful)
RateBeer Rating: 0, 3
ABV: 5%

First produced in 1876 by Adolphus Busch after a hard night in a Clydesdale pasture, Budweiser is the quintessential American beer.  No self-respecting redneck would be seen without one in his hand while at the lake.

According to the official story, at the time most Americans preferred robust, dark beers and ales.  Adolphus went on a whirlwind tour of Bohemia searching for something new to introduce to the American market.  I suspect that during his trip, he tasted a Pilsner Urquell one night and said "I want to make something exactly unlike this."  He came back to The States and began his campaign to dumb down the American palate and make us the laugingstock of the world.

The can proclaims:

"Brewed by our original all-natural process using the Choicest Hops, Rice and Best Barley Malt." 

 and:

 "This is the famous Budweiser Beer.  We know of no brand produced by any other brewer which costs so much to brew and age.  Our exclusive Beechwood Aging produces a taste, a smoothness and a drinkability your will find in no other beer at any price."

Evidently they're not looking very hard, or they're outright lying.  After InBev took over Budweiser, they were able to save 55 million bucks per year by using broken rice and cheap hops instead of the Hallertau they were using.  Well "using" would be a little bit of a stretch because it's more of a process of just waving them over the top of the mash tun.  This doesn't seem to have affected sales much, as Bud is still one of the most popular malted barley beverages in the U.S.  What does that say about us?

According to most sources, it is a 70% malt, 30% rice formula.

Serving:
Aggressively poured from a 25oz can into a Wine Enthusiast Steady-Temp Double Wall Beer Glass. The glass bit its lip and whimpered.

Appearance:
Pours a clear, yellow urine color with a small head that dissipates instantaneously.  It leaves no lacing after it evaporates to a thin ring around the edge.

Smell:
Smells like... America.  Wet cardboard and wood.  An undertone of soured malt and fusel alcohol.  No discernible hop presence.  None.

Taste:
Pretty much the same as the smell.  The pale malt is sweet on the palate, with little hop presence to offset the sweetness.  There are no off-flavors, but nothing to excite your tastebuds either.  I think that's the best thing I can say about it; "Nothing is off."

Mouthfeel:
Light on the tongue with heavy carbonation.  Almost "crunchy," like Perrier.

Overall:
While I wouldn't serve this to my guests unless they specifically requested it, I wouldn't call it offensive.  It's too sweet for my tastes and lacks any semblance of flavor or nuance.  They say that hops are used in its production, but I'm calling bullshit on this one.  Budweiser is to beer as McDonald's is to hamburgers.

I think if you're having a party with friends that you don't care whether or not they want to return, then serve this.  No person that really likes beer will choose this, but hey... at least everyone will be able to choke it down and they can't say anything, because in America "Budweiser is beer."