Trappistes Rochefort 10

Name: Trappistes Rochefort 10
Style: Belgian Trappist (Quadrupel) Ale
Owner: Independent / Abbey
Courtesy of: Insop Song

BeerAdvocate Rating: 100 (World-Class)
RateBeer Rating: 100,100
ABV: 11.3%

Established around 1230 as Abbey of Notre-Dame de Saint-Rémy, what is now known as Rochefort Abbey is a Trappist Monastery in Namur Province in Belgium.  They've been making beer in the abbey since 1535, but have only been able to produce enough to sell since 1952.  They obtain the water from a well on the grounds and they maintain their own strain of yeast which has mutated over the years, which gives their Ale a very distinct character.

Having never tried this style, I was initially unsure as to whether I'd like it.  I've had Leffe (the most popular Belgian Ale) and wasn't really that keen on it.  It had an overpowering smell and taste of banana esters which I frankly can't stand.


Serving:
Delicately poured from a dark 330ml bottle into my Steady-Temp double-wall beer glass.  The glass shivered with antici............pation.

Appearance:
This ale pours a beautiful, deep chocolate brown with a three fingers of dark tan head that slowly fades to a thick film over the top of the whole glass.  There is plenty of lacing, demonstrating exactly what that term was invented to describe.  It's as if someone left a garter around my glass.

Smell:
It presents a heady aroma of sweet malt, chocolate, plum, date and other dried fruit.  In the background the alcohol slips through, but it's not the fusel alcohol of cheap malt liquor, but rather the clean, complex smell reminiscent of a fine wine.  On the tail is an oaky hint of a gentleman's malt whiskey that makes you want to inhale deeply and hold your breath.

Taste:
This beer is a fucking flavor explosion.  All of the notes on the nose don't even begin to describe the delights that come through on the tongue.  The sweetness of the malt is there, for sure, but is nicely balanced with the noblest of the noble hops.  In addition to the malty and fruity flavors one would expect, floral notes sing through.  It's as if they were able to take every flavor profile ever found in beer, orchestrate them like Mickey in Fantasia, and stuff them in to a tiny bottle.  Unlike some other brews, this one only gets better as it warms - the complexity you note on your first sip gets deeper and more interesting as the glass progresses.

Mouthfeel:
A very full-bodied quaff without being "chewy"; an excellent complement to the end of a heavy meal when you've settled in to your easy chair and don't plan on moving.

Overall:
I really can't say enough about how good this is.  When I saw the perfect scores on beeradvocate and ratebeer I was very skeptical at first;  I've never drank a "perfect" beer.  After getting through the glass, I know what they're talking about.  There's nothing about this I think could be improved.  It's well-balanced, tasty and smells like a dream... what else could you ask?

If you take my word for nothing else, take this away:  If you can find this, buy it.

Saison Dupont

Name: Saison Dupont Vieille Provision
Style: Belgian Farmhouse Ale
Owner: Independent / Family Owned
Courtesy of: Insop Song

BeerAdvocate Rating: 94 (Outstanding)
RateBeer Rating: 99,99
ABV: 6.5%

The current incarnation of the Dupont brewery was founded in 1920 and is located in Tourpes, in West-Hainaut, Belgium.  As best I can tell with my rudimentary French skills and a healthy helping of Google Translate, a guy named Louis Dupont was considering moving to Canada to buy a farm.  Louis' father, not wanting his son to grow up to be a filthy Canadian, convinced him to stay in Belgium by buying him the Alfred Dupont farm, which had a long brewing tradition stretching back into the mid-18th century and famous for its seasonal and honey brews.

As good as he was at brewing ale, he wasn't that good with the ladies because he died childless in 1945, leaving the brewery to his nephew, a brewing engineer named Sylva Rosier.  The brewery was passed on to Sylva's children and grandchildren, and today Louis' father is responsible for keeping 4 generations of his family from becoming Canadian.

Serving:
Reverentially poured from a champagne-style bottle into my Steady-Temp double-wall beer glass.  The glass breathed a soft sigh.

Appearance:
This ale pours a beautiful, cloudy light-amber color with a massive eggshell-white head that just keeps hanging around.  There is copious lacing left on the glass.  Actually it's more than lacing; it's almost a coating.

Smell:
It presents a nice, rich aroma of malt and an unusual yeast that imparts the impression of spicy herbs and lemon with a peppery undertone.

Taste:
Wow.  Very different from the smell.  Sweet pale malt with banana esters on the front, following through with a grassy, earthy tail.  It leaves you with a wonderful, slightly-bitter hop taste after the sweetness of the malts fade gently away.

Mouthfeel:
A very rich and robust beverage, but not so heavy as to be "chewy."  For an ale it has a significant level of carbonation, but not so much as to be distracting.

Overall:
While Ales are not my normal style of beverage, I quite enjoyed this one.  I, for one, am very happy Louis stayed in Belgium to make this excellent representative of a Farmhouse Ale.  This would be an excellent choice on a cold winter's night with a fire in the hearth and a book in the hand.

Miller Fortune

Name: Miller Fortune
Style: American Amber/Red Lager
Owner: MillerCoors
Slogan: "Your Fortune Awaits"

BeerAdvocate Rating: 61 (Poor)
RateBeer Rating: 8, 83ABV: 6.9%

Miller Fortune is MillerCoors' answer to Bud Light Platinum.  It's the second in the BMC triad to put out what essentially is a malt liquor under one of their "Premium" marques.  It comes with a hip, snappy website produced in conjunction with urbandaddy.com to help you find hip, snappy places to drink malt liquor.

It's so good they have to "shout" on their website:

YOU MIGHT CHOOSE A REGULAR BEER.  

BUT THEN YOU MIGHT GET A REGULAR NIGHT. 

MILLER FORTUNE IS A PREMIUM GOLDEN LAGER UNDISTILLED AT 6.9% ABV. IT BOASTS A RICH, MALTY AROMA, A LIGHT BODY, AND A CRISP, CLEAN FINISH. BALANCED, YET UNEXPECTEDLY BOLD.

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  Damn... I'd better get going!

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The packaging design is nice; the dark brown bottles and the Ace of Spades logo appeals to me.  On the bottles they have a Heads or Tails beer cap, an obvious tip of the hat to (or blatant ripoff of) Full Sail's "Rock-Paper-Scissors" bottle caps.  Everything about the packaging reeks quality, which I'm thinking may be a bad omen to what's really in the can.

Serving:
Aggressively poured from a 25oz can into a Wine Enthusiast Steady-Temp Double Wall Beer Glass. The glass insisted that he's had quite enough of this nonsense.

Appearance:
Pours a light amber color with just a tinge of read.  It has a two-finger pale cream-colored head that was gone in a couple of minutes, leaving a thin film on top, and a little lace.  It had an audible fizz to it, just like when you pour a soda into a warm glass.

Smell:
The smell is the first indication that you're going to be in for a disappointment.  Fusel notes and sweet malt comes charging through, and although they say that Cascade hops are used in the production, I can smell none of it.

Taste:
The taste has little to do with any other Miller product that I've tried.  It's a sweet, malty prominence with a sour undertone that gives way to a flat and slightly off-putting alcoholic trail where a normal person would want a "kiss of the hops."

Mouthfeel:
It has decent body; far better than your average BMC swill - but that's to be expected for the type.  It's slick and wet, like the first rain after a long dry spell.

Overall:
On the whole, this beer quite poor.  It's less of a refined Jason Statham hip and cool, and more of an Andy Capp boozy and downtrodden.I'd highly recommend this for folks who want the Colt 45 experience but don't want to be seen with one in your hand.  However, if you're looking for high alcohol content and better drinkability, I'd rather go with Billy Dee Williams, because "It Works Every Time."

Michelob Ultra

Name: Michelob Ultra
Style: American Adjunct Lager (Light)
Owner: AB-InBev
Slogan: "Lose the carbs. Not the taste."

BeerAdvocate Rating: 46 (Awful)
RateBeer Rating: N/A, 0
ABV: 4.2%

Michelob has always been A-B's "superpremium" line, and a few years ago, it was spun off into it's own little corner, presumably so that it wouldn't be associated with A-B's other swill.  Their new site looks like a craft-brew site, but something is missing... ahh, it's Michelob Ultra.  I think that the folks at Michelob are trying to distance themselves from this brew.

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I have six pack abs, but they don't look like those.

---

Michelob Ultra was created during the low-carb craze of the late 2000s, catering to anorexic women and body building men.  Essentially it's a plain 'ol light beer, it's specs being more or less equal to Bud Light, but with a much nicer label.  Supposedly this allows you to drink something that resembles beer without developing something that resembles a beer belly.  

To be fair, I'm not a big fan of this style, but I will try to give this a fair shake because I do find regular Michelob to be a decent beer.  Light beers, and low-carb beers in general sacrifice not only alcohol and body in their quest to reduce calories, but for some reason they leave out any semblance of flavor too, I guess hops add too many calories.

Serving:
Aggressively poured from a 25oz can into a Wine Enthusiast Steady-Temp Double Wall Beer Glass. The glass had the urge to go to the gym.

Appearance:
I've never seen a beer with this color before.  Saying that it's "pale" is a vast understatement.  It's the color of dead, bleached grass - there's only the very slightest bit of color in the glass.

Smell:
Smells like fresh air with a very faint hint of banana.

Taste:
It tastes like Perrier poured through wet corn.  The banana detected in the nose carries through in the finish.

Mouthfeel:
Very, very light.  The medium carbonation is the most specific thing that can be said about the mouthfeel; there's really nothing else that could be described about it.

Overall:
This beer isn't fucking close to water... it is water.  I suppose if you're an anorexic figure skater and you don't want to be seen drinking fruity cocktails this would be acceptable.  If it's 100+ outside and you want something you can chug right down, it could be used for that too.  However, if you want a beer that tastes like beer, I recommend you skip this one.  Just pick up a Pelligrino water and be done with it.

On second thought, this is probably cheaper than Pelligrino...

Bud Light Platinum

Name: Bud Light Platinum
Style: American Adjunct Lager (Light)
Owner: AB-InBev
Slogan: "#makeitplatinum"

BeerAdvocate Rating: 54 (Awful)
RateBeer Rating: 1, 18
ABV: 6%

Supposedly a "bolder" version of Bud Light, Platinum doesn't seem to fit anywhere.  It's supposed to be a "Light" beer, but has a hefty 6% ABV and only 8 fewer calories than regular Budweiser.  With this potent alcohol content, I guess you could say that it could best be described as "Bud Light Malt Liquor," for those who wanna get crunk but are too discerning to be seen with a King Cobra in their hand.

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  God I hate electronic music.

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Let me say this right off the bat: the bottle is beautiful.  A deep, translucent cobalt blue bottle with minimalist labeling really makes Platinum stand out on the shelf.  I don't know who the guy was that designed the packaging, but he deserves a medal and a raise because he nailed this one.  Unfortunately, what they put inside the bottle is a little less exciting.

I'm not sure who the target demographic is for this product is, either.  The commercials I've seen so far look to be targeting the 20-somethings in clubs, since most of the ones I've seen feature young, hip folks and DJs.

There's not much interesting history behind this beer to give you because it's so new, so I guess I'd better just get on with the review.


Serving:
Aggressively poured from a 22oz bottle into a Wine Enthusiast Steady-Temp Double Wall Beer Glass.  The glass rolled its eyes and mumbled "not again..."

Appearance:
Pours a pale straw color with a fizzy head that left the tiniest bit of soapy lacing in the glass.

Smell:
No malt or hops that I can detect.  Smells like sugar and alcohol, with a fusel undertone.

Taste:
Tastes like Bud Light with a hair more flavor, almost all of the increase being sugar, with a distinct alcohol undertone.  Just a kiss of pale malt and sugar - like right out of the bag sugar.

Mouthfeel:
Watery with the slightest bit of slickness on the finish.

Overall:
This is another one of those "alcohol delivery mechanism" beers.  There's nothing about it that makes it stand out from a regular American Macro aside from the sweetness and the increased alcohol content.  It's bland and tasteless, which is evidently what a lot of people like when it comes to beer.   I wouldn't really recommend it, but it's not a drain pour which makes it infinitely better than Coors.

My suggestion for a new slogan would be: "Bud Light Platinum: It'll get you drunk and at least it's not Coors."

Busch

Name: Busch
Style: American Adjunct Lager
Owner: AB-InBev
Slogan: "Clear and Bright as Mountain Air."

BeerAdvocate Rating: 49 (Awful)
RateBeer Rating: 0, 1
ABV: 4.6%

First brewed in 1955, Busch was the low-buck beer from A-B, being the one they made for those not classy enough for Budweiser.  Around here in L.A., it's relegated to the tallboy section of the coolers next to the malt liquors and it's unavailable in 12 packs, etc.  The one I have is in a throwback 25oz. can, harkening back to a time when cars still had tailfins.  Based on my experience, Busch is just Budweiser that uses corn instead of rice as its adjunct.

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  Brokeback Beer...

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The can is emblazoned with:

"Introduced as Busch Bavarian in 1955, Busch has grown from a regional brand to a national favorite.  Described then as "clean, clear and refreshing as mountain air," the quality has never wavered and continues to this day. "I hope you'll try it.  I know you'll like it!" August A. Busch, Jr., 1955"

Now Busch isn't the kind of beer you drink when you're looking for any particular flavor and certainly not one that you'd want your friends to see you drinking.  The corn gives it more body than Budweiser and a little more flavor.  Not awesome, tastebud-popping flavor, but flavor nonetheless.  A-B goes out of its way to tell you how crisp and refreshing this beer is, and that cowboys absolutely love it.   Seriously... according to them if you have a horse and a fucking chuckwagon, you'd better be drinking Busch.  Otherwise, you might find yourself tied to a cactus and left for dead.

Serving:
Aggressively poured from a 25oz can into a Wine Enthusiast Steady-Temp Double Wall Beer Glass.  The glass had flashbacks of that one time it got lost in the desert.

Appearance:
Pours a pale straw color with a fizzy head that ebbs quickly, leaving light lacing in the glass and a ring around the top of the liquid.

Smell:
Pale malt, water and straw with some CORN!  The nose is just like Budweiser with some CORN!  Did I mention you can smell the corn?

Taste:
The taste is just a regular corn-based adjunct lager, with less hop presence than, say, PBR.  It's somewhere between a regular and a light beer and it really doesn't fit in either category.  Little hop presence.

Mouthfeel:
Very light for a "regular" beer, fizzy carbonation and no linger in the finish.

Overall:
Busch is a quintessential lawnmower beer.  On a hot day, it's as refreshing as water and is surprisingly inoffensive considering its format and price point.  One thing to note is that it only has 4 calories more per can than Bud Light, and ten times the flavor.  If you're drinking Bud Light for the calories, give Busch a try.  It's not terrible.  I must admit I keep a few cans of this in the beer fridge to drink when I normally would have a soda.  I stop far short of recommending it, but if you're stuck and need an alcohol delivery mechanism, it's one of the better cheap ones.

Pabst Blue Ribbon (PBR)

Name: Pabst Blue Ribbon
Style: American Adjunct Lager
Owner: Pabst

BeerAdvocate Rating: 68 (Poor)
RateBeer Rating: 2,19
ABV: 4.74%

"This is the ORIGINAL Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer.  Nature's choicest products provide its prized flavor.  Only the finest of hops and grains are used.  Selected as America's Best in 1893."

Pabst has been brewing this beer since 1844, beginning in Milwaukee but this is not the one that made it famous.  

Lauded by hipsters, hillbillies and Dennis Hopper, PBR is experiencing a resurgence in popularity in the new millennium.   PBR is brewed under contract by MillerCoors since Pabst no longer has any breweries of its own.  For years it was held as the quintessential "blue-collar" beer, found wherever particular people really didn't congregate.  I'm convinced that one really should be sporting a trucker hat while drinking PBR, whether you wear it as honest attire or ironically.

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Heineken!? Fuck that shit! PABST. BLUE. RIBBON!!!

---

PBR is definitely a value brand.  It is a corn-heavy adjunct lager that is cheap to produce and consume.  Its full body and inoffensive taste make it a good "lawnmower" beer when funds are low.

Serving:
Aggressively poured from a 25oz can into a Wine Enthusiast Steady-Temp Double Wall Beer Glass.  The glass relived its college days.

Appearance:
Pours a solid straw color with a fizzy white head that disappears without a trace, sort of like a ninja.  It sounds like a soda when poured into a glass.

Smell:
Very pale malt and cooked vegetables.  Hints of grass and the slightest bit of alcohol.  Nothing too off about it.

Taste:
Once again, the pale malt presents itself, with a substantial dose of corn.  The vegetal presence is presented here as it is on the nose, but it falls far short of offensive.  The slightest touch of generic hops balances out the beer so that it is neither sweet nor bitter.

Mouthfeel:
Very light for a "regular" beer, lots of carbonation and slightly astringent on the finish.

Overall:
For the price, you really can't complain.  Despite the vegetal smell and taste, it goes down fairly easy and doesn't leave any lingering disappointment in its flavor.  However, many a person will report lingering disappointment with the events that came after drinking too much of the red, white and blue.  I stop short of recommending this as a daily drinker or something to seek out, but you could make far worse choices.

But if you're ever at a party with Scuzz Twittly, listen for the Telecaster and just be careful, because he's rather protective of his cheap beer.

Coors "Banquet"

Name: Coors "Banquet" Beer
Style: American Adjunct Lager
Owner: MillerCoors

BeerAdvocate Rating: 61 (Poor)
RateBeer Rating: 1,9
ABV: 5%

"Brewed in Golden, Colorado with 100% Rocky Mountain Water for a Legendary Taste."

Legendary my ass.  Coors Beer was founded in 1873 by Adolph Coors and one of his buddies after they bought a recipe from some huckster that claimed to have been in Czechoslovakia at one point.  Supposedly this recipe was for a Pilsner, but they should have sued that bastard because that's not what they got.

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It's no downstream beer, that's for fucking sure.

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Over the years, Coors experienced a big slide from its peak of popularity.  Now it's kind of a niche beer with its own small but loyal following.

In the new century, Coors added the word "Banquet" to the name of the beer to bring back some of the nostalgia and hopefully play off it for an increase in sales, but so far it hasn't really worked all that well.  Even with the retro packaging, it's the same 'ol crap inside and people still aren't buying it.

Alright, here we go...

Serving:
Aggressively poured from a 25oz can into a Wine Enthusiast Steady-Temp Double Wall Beer Glass.

The glass gritted its tiny teeth.

Appearance:
Pours a clear light gold.  It has a one-finger head that it doesn't maintain for very long, leaving a the tiniest bit of lacing.  That's about all one can say about it.

Smell:
Fucking terrible.  Smells like rancid sugar water and wet dog, no discernible character to it at all.  None.

Taste:
If you can get past the smell, the taste starts with sweet corn adjunct and progresses through sickeningly sweet to a sticky dirty-underwear sort of aftertaste.  The flavor clings to the mouth and doesn't go away.

Mouthfeel:
More body that it's competitors, but I'm not sure that's an advantage in this situation.  I just want to be rid of the flavor, but it won't leave.

Overall:
I can't believe that Burt Reynolds and Jerry Reid would risk movie arrest to transport this retch.  It starts off merely bad but time and temperature do it no favors at all.  I'm staring at this can aghast of the contents; there should be a warning label on it somewhere.  Seriously, I'd rather drink Colt 45 or heaven forbid... Bud Light than this.

Avoid at all costs.

Update:  This is the first review of a beer where I couldn't get through it.  I used it as a drain cleaner.

Miller Lite

Name: Miller Lite
Style: American Adjunct Lager
Owner: MillerCoors
Slogan: "Tastes great, less filling"

BeerAdvocate Rating: 53 (Awful)
RateBeer Rating: 0, 2
ABV: 4.2%


Miller Lite (or sometimes just "Lite") was originally developed in 1967 by a biochemist named Joseph Owades, ultimately making him responsible for the entire light beer category, that bastard.

When first released, it was called "Gablinger's Diet Beer" and to no one's surprise that name really didn't catch on.  The recipe was given to the Meister Brau folks and did a little bit better when it was re-released as "Meister Brau Lite."  On down the line, Meister Brau was bought out by Miller who renamed it "Lite Beer from Miller" which in turn changed to plain 'ol "Miller Lite."

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Nothing like drunks arguing over something inconsequential, eh?

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The can proclaims:

"Inside is a Pilsner beer brewed with the finest quality ingredients.  Because of a special brewing process Miller Lite gives you a light beer with more taste."

The author of that blurb should be drug out into the street and summarily shot.  Pilsner refers to a style of beer originating in the Bohemian city of Plzeň, in Czechoslovakia.  I've had a number of Bohemian Pilsners and a many German Pilsners, and they all have a particular set of characteristics.  I can also tell you that what's in this can has none of those characteristics.

*Sigh*... let's get on with it, I guess:

Serving:
Aggressively poured from a 25oz can into a Wine Enthusiast Steady-Temp Double Wall Beer Glass. The glass screamed into a pillow.

Appearance:
Pours crystal clear with a pale straw tinge.  It has a three-finger soapy head that lingered about as long as it took for me to walk into the office, leaving a bit of sticky lacing on the glass, but not in a good way.  It looks most like the scum left in the sink after the dish soap foam pops.

Smell:
The smell is of corn syrup and biscuity malt, a bit more of a presence than the other lights I've reviewed.  No hops are detected in the nose.

Taste:
It has a slightly sweet corny taste with that same "stale-crackers-and-gym-socks" aftertaste that Coors Light has, only less pronounced.  A faint taste of alcohol lingers.

Mouthfeel:
A little more body than I expected for a light beer.  Not a whole lot by any stretch, but more than its competitors.

Overall:
On the whole, this beer is merely bad.  It has all of the same bad qualities that Coors Light does, but it's a little toned down.  As such, it's not really a difference in kind but rather a matter of degree.  I'd take this over a Coors Light in much the same way that I'd choose a finger rather than a stick in the eye, and given the choice between the stick and the Miller Lite, I'd be inclined to go for the stick.

Save yourself the consternation and avoid this one too.

Coors Light

Name: Coors Light
Style: American Adjunct Lager
Owner: MillerCoors
Slogan: "The Silver Bullet"

BeerAdvocate Rating: 50 (Awful)
RateBeer Rating: 0, 1
ABV: 4.2%

Introduced in 1978, Coors Light was Golden's first foray into the light beer market.  In the 70s, Americans discovered what calories were, and soon after everything "lite" or "diet" was booming.  The Disco era was all about Tab Cola and light beer, because why drink sugary sodas and full-bodied beer when you spent all that effort getting skinny by doing massive lines of blow?

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Doesn't that shit look fun?

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Coors Light comes in a silver can with special paint on the label that let's you know if the beer inside is merely "Cold" or "Super Cold."  Based upon my tasting, I'm pretty sure that's because you really shouldn't let this beer warm at all because the flavors that come out really aren't something you'd
want to showcase.  The brand goes out of its way to target a youthful demographic, and I think that's a smart move.  The younger people most likely have less exposure to beer and thus have little to compare it with, and its "almost nothing" flavor profile is an easy transition from drinking bottled water, I suppose.

There's not much interesting to say about this particular dreck, so I guess on with the formal review...

Serving:
Aggressively poured from a 25oz can into a Wine Enthusiast Steady-Temp Double Wall Beer Glass. The glass flipped me off.

Appearance:
Pours very clear with the slightest hint of yellowish color.  It has a two-finger fizzy head that vanished almost immediately.  I had to take a sip and pour again in order to catch it in the picture.

Smell:
In a noteable contrast with Bud Light, it actually has a smell - it's very faint, but it's there.  Very pale malt with a hint of alcohol.  It's so faint that I actually stuck the tip of my nose in the liquid trying to get a sniff.

Taste:
As the Monty Python guys said, it's like sex in a canoe; fucking close to water.  What isn't fucking close to water is quite terrible.  No appreciable malt or hop presence and there is a distinct aftertaste of stale saltine crackers and gym socks.

Mouthfeel:
Thin, watery;  Nothing to write home about.

Overall:
I would say that when taken in totality, this beer is awful.  Epically awful.  If it were only bland and tasteless, I could get past it.  However, if you couple the bland tastelessness with the horrid aftertaste that only gets worse as the beer warms, then you get awful on a monstrous scale.

Avoid this if at all possible.  Please.  I'm begging you.

Schlitz "Gusto"

Name: Schlitz "Gusto"
Style: American Adjunct Lager
Owner: Pabst
Slogan: "The beer that made Milwaukee Famous"

BeerAdvocate Rating: 81 (Good)
RateBeer Rating: 1, 18
ABV: 4.7%

Founded by August Krug in 1849, the company that would become Schlitz brewing company sprang up in Milwaukee.  By 1902 Schlitz had seized the title of largest beer producer in the U.S. from Pabst and it remained that way for more than 50 years.  By the late 1960s, sales of Schlitz were declining due to pressure from Anheuser-Busch and their flagship brand "Budweiser."  In an effort to remain competitive, Schlitz re-formulated their beer in the early 1970s using cheaper ingredients and processes which ultimately ruined the brand, turning it from a premium brand to second-rate bottom-shelf swill.  The decline continued and the company was eventually sold to Stroh's, and later it was in turn sold to Pabst.

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Schlitz...  Fucking classy.

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During all of this, the original recipe from the 60s was lost and was not transferred with the sales.  Those who used to love the old Schlitz were just plain out of luck.  In the new century, Pabst took a gamble on Schlitz and decided to try to revive the Schlitz of old.  Through research of documents and interviews with former Schlitz brewmasters and taste-testers, they were able to reconstruct the 1960s classic formula; the result has been a hit.  Many people, including a number of beer snobs have praised the result and have said that it is what the American Adjunct Lager should be.

Serving:
Aggressively poured from a 16oz "Tall-Boy" can into a Wine Enthusiast Steady-Temp Double Wall Beer Glass. The glass breathed a sigh of relief.

Appearance:
Pours a clear golden color with a one-finger white head that dissipates quickly to a thin film, leaving copious lacing.

Smell:
The nose is of pale, biscuity malts with a notable presence of grass and pine.

Taste:
The taste follows the nose.  A decent presence of malt with the undertone of the corn adjuncts coming through, although it's not overpowering.  The sweetness of the malt is nicely balanced with hops; I think I can taste some cascade in there.  The hop presence doesn't come across like microbrews do; they're probably using pelletized versions.

Mouthfeel:
Surprisingly full-bodied for an Adjunct lager with medium carbonation.

Overall:
For the style, this beer is really quite good.  It's no substitute for an all-malt premium lager but it is far ahead of any of the BMC offerings and the price is fantastic.  I recommend this ahead of any other Adjunct Lager I've tried.

Bud Light

Name: Bud Light
Style: American Adjunct Lager
Owner: AB-InBev
Slogan: "Up For Whatever."

BeerAdvocate Rating: 47 (Awful)
RateBeer Rating: N/A, 1
ABV: 4.2%

Debuting in 1982 as "Budweiser Light" to a great amount of fanfare, Bud Light has grown to be the most popular beer in the U.S.  Its name was shortened a year later to just "Bud Light," probably because their target demographic had problems stringing more than two syllables together in one word.  Its light taste, low alcohol content, and reduced-calorie formula has been a hit with Americans, particularly those who have no tastebuds.

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Damn, doesn't that commercial make you want to rush out and buy a case?  I remember this commercial from when I was a kid, I always assumed that Bud Light was some kind of magical beverage that tasted like pure liberty.

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Most beers have some phrasing on the can about how awesome the beer is inside the can, but that is conspicuously absent on the Bud Light vessel.  The only thing the can says other than the obligatory stuff is "Thirst for Summer."  I suppose this could be because the beer inside is so awesome that it frankly speaks for itself, but I think it's more likely that there's really nothing they could put on the can that would say much of anything about it.  One out of every four beers served in the USA is a Bud Light.  Think about that for a second.  I'll wait.

Bud Light is brewed with a lot of rice as the adjunct.  Rice adjuncts serve to impart sugars to the wort without adding flavor.  The result is the clean, crisp "drinkability" that people are looking for in a brew of this sort.  Unfortunately, with Bud Light it's gone over the top - with this beer they've completely removed any semblance of flavor.  Hell, even Pellegrino water has more flavor than this dreck.

Serving:
Aggressively poured from a 25oz can into a Wine Enthusiast Steady-Temp Double Wall Beer Glass. The glass was confused.

Appearance:
Pours a clear, pale tinge of a yellowish color with a three-finger snow-white head that disappeared before I reached my chair to write this.  It leaves no hint lacing.

Smell:
Smells like nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  If I were blindfolded and you held this under my nose I wouldn't be able to identify it as beer.

Taste:
I'm finding it difficult to come up with adjectives here.  Mostly I get wet air and fizz.  No malt, no hops, no nothin'.

Mouthfeel:
Light and whispy with very heavy carbonation.  Not the slightest bit of body.

Overall:
It's beer for people who don't like beer, and it's only really beer in the academic sense.

Okay, if I were out mowing the lawn or something and I were extremely thirsty this would hit the spot.  If you're looking to chug something and you don't care what it tastes like, grab one of these.  If you prefer that beer have some bit of flavor to it, you might want to skip Bud Light.

Budweiser

Name: Budweiser
Style: American Adjunct Lager
Owner: AB-InBev
Slogan: "King of Beers."

BeerAdvocate Rating: 56 (Awful)
RateBeer Rating: 0, 3
ABV: 5%

First produced in 1876 by Adolphus Busch after a hard night in a Clydesdale pasture, Budweiser is the quintessential American beer.  No self-respecting redneck would be seen without one in his hand while at the lake.

According to the official story, at the time most Americans preferred robust, dark beers and ales.  Adolphus went on a whirlwind tour of Bohemia searching for something new to introduce to the American market.  I suspect that during his trip, he tasted a Pilsner Urquell one night and said "I want to make something exactly unlike this."  He came back to The States and began his campaign to dumb down the American palate and make us the laugingstock of the world.

The can proclaims:

"Brewed by our original all-natural process using the Choicest Hops, Rice and Best Barley Malt." 

 and:

 "This is the famous Budweiser Beer.  We know of no brand produced by any other brewer which costs so much to brew and age.  Our exclusive Beechwood Aging produces a taste, a smoothness and a drinkability your will find in no other beer at any price."

Evidently they're not looking very hard, or they're outright lying.  After InBev took over Budweiser, they were able to save 55 million bucks per year by using broken rice and cheap hops instead of the Hallertau they were using.  Well "using" would be a little bit of a stretch because it's more of a process of just waving them over the top of the mash tun.  This doesn't seem to have affected sales much, as Bud is still one of the most popular malted barley beverages in the U.S.  What does that say about us?

According to most sources, it is a 70% malt, 30% rice formula.

Serving:
Aggressively poured from a 25oz can into a Wine Enthusiast Steady-Temp Double Wall Beer Glass. The glass bit its lip and whimpered.

Appearance:
Pours a clear, yellow urine color with a small head that dissipates instantaneously.  It leaves no lacing after it evaporates to a thin ring around the edge.

Smell:
Smells like... America.  Wet cardboard and wood.  An undertone of soured malt and fusel alcohol.  No discernible hop presence.  None.

Taste:
Pretty much the same as the smell.  The pale malt is sweet on the palate, with little hop presence to offset the sweetness.  There are no off-flavors, but nothing to excite your tastebuds either.  I think that's the best thing I can say about it; "Nothing is off."

Mouthfeel:
Light on the tongue with heavy carbonation.  Almost "crunchy," like Perrier.

Overall:
While I wouldn't serve this to my guests unless they specifically requested it, I wouldn't call it offensive.  It's too sweet for my tastes and lacks any semblance of flavor or nuance.  They say that hops are used in its production, but I'm calling bullshit on this one.  Budweiser is to beer as McDonald's is to hamburgers.

I think if you're having a party with friends that you don't care whether or not they want to return, then serve this.  No person that really likes beer will choose this, but hey... at least everyone will be able to choke it down and they can't say anything, because in America "Budweiser is beer."